Awkward Baby #4

Do your kids hate tummy time? My kids HATE tummy time. I mean despise it. Vocally. They both declared that tummy time is completely beneath them. (Heh. Punny!) I don’t do it nearly as often as helpful websites say I should. But I’m not too concerned for my kids deficient gross motor skills, the way those helpful websites say I should be. Both of my kids came out of the womb holding their heads up freakishly well, like they had some new mutant neck-muscles previously unrecorded in newborns. They both decided around two months old that being held vertically on their feet was far superior to any of that pedestrian swaddling or lying down The Man tells babies to do. They both stood up long before they sat up. Big kid walked before he crawled and Little Kid is following in his footsteps. (heh heh! More wordplay!) They both figured out that being held in a standing position where they can participate in the world is resoundingly better than being stuck face down on the floor. I mean, duh. So when I say my kids HATE tummy time, please know that I mean they vehemently hate it, the way I hate celebrity gossip being treated like actual news.

Who the fuck decided to pay attention to Kardashians?

Who decided to pay attention to Kardashians?

And why the fuck aren't you covering the net neutrality voting?

And why aren’t you covering the net neutrality voting?!

Awkward babies just have better things to do with their time.